Experiment #13 A letter to J.K. Rowling

Dear Ms Rowling,
     I'd like to start by saying that I'm by far your biggest fan.  I love your books; read the series seven times.  I have all eight movies on DVD and Blue Ray as well as every piece of collectible memorabilia I could get my hands on. I have even met you, Harry, Ron, and Hermione at a Comic Con a few years ago.  I just love, love, love you.
     Anyway, the reason for this correspondence is to inquire as to why I haven't received my letter from Hogwarts inviting me to the school.  I understand that my muggle decent may be the reason, but let me assure you that I am of magical heritage.  My mother was always calling her mother a witch  (mostly when she was angry at her) and even though grandmother's gift skipped a generation, I am definitely a wizard.  I bought a wand, not from Diagon Alley as I was unable to find it, and it doesn't really work yet, but with some training...I am also in possession of a rat (apparently no pet store in my state sells owls, if you can believe that) and several books on magic as well as several robes both casual and formal, so as you can see I am all set to begin my magical education.
     Please respond as quickly as possible for I am certain the semester will  be starting soon and I do not want to fall behind.
Sincerely yours,
Sir Nappeth James Mcpappeth III

Dear Mcpappeth,
     Mr Rowling is flattered that you have found such enjoyment from her books, but both she and I are a bit confused by your correspondence.  You are aware that Harry Potter is a fictional character and that Hogwarts and Diagon Alley are not real places?  It is therefore impossible for you to receive a welcome letter for a school that only exists in Ms. Rowling's mind.  As for you being a wizard,  good luck with that.
Roland Westley, Liaison for Ms Rowling.

 Mr. "Westley,"
      I am extremely amused by your reply.  It is very amusing of you to send it using such a clever alias.  I understand that it is necessary to maintain secrecy regarding our magical world, but please understand that no one will intercept these correspondence besides myself, so your efforts are unnecessary.  Not even my parents are aware of them as I live alone.  I await your reply as well as my invitation, Mr Weasley. (:-) I mean, Westley.
Waiting with baited breath,
 Mr Mcpappeth,
My name is Westley, not Weasley.  There is no relation because there is no such person was a Weasley.  Again, the entire world of Harry Potter is purely fictional and therefore you will not be receiving any such invitation.  Ms Rowling thanks you for loyalty and kindly request that you cease from any further correspondence.
Mr Westley.
 And by the way, you live alone?  Exactly how old are you?

Mr. Westley,
     You're funny, and I am excessively amused, but could you please pass my letters to Ms Rowling as I am certain she will be able to assist me.  I mean no disrespect when I say you are just an errand boy hired to read and respond to Ms Rowling's fan mail.  This is not a fan letter but a legitimate request for assistance. As for my age, that's irrelevant.  You're never too old to further your education
Getting impatient,

Mr McPappeth,
     We are done.     


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